A Blog about Blogging

The idea of doing a blog is something very new to me. I have never even considered doing a blog because I wouldn't even know what to write about. I decided that I should write about my difficulties with this blog because I thought it was important for me to reflect on why this process is so difficult for me. This does not serve as an excuse for my lack of entries, but merely as a means for me to reflect on the process.

When we were first told about the project, my anxiety level instantly went up. I was nervous about the idea of having to do a blog about my experiences. I was also nervous about trying to play catch-up since this is my first year in the cohort. I know it's completely different from the e-portfolio but I still felt that I was at a disadvantage. Overall, this blog has been very difficult for me and I'm not really sure why.

At first, I just didn't know what to write about. I had no idea what I was supposed to be reflecting on. I didn't understand that I could basically write about any of my experiences. It took me a long time to actually start the blog because I just didn't know where to start. Once I did start it I thought it would get easier from there, but I was wrong.

After my first entry it took me a long time to post anything again. I talked with Stephanie about this a lot and I explained to her that I don't know why, but I have a really hard time sitting down and writing. The easy answer to this is that I'm just not used to writing a blog and I don't think about it when I'm thinking about what homework I have to do. However, this is not the only challenge I have. There are times when I do think about it and I just don't do it. I really had to think about what it was that was so challenging for me.

I came to the realization that it's the reflection that is challenging for me. As I mentioned in one of my earlier posts, it's hard for me to give credit to myself, so I think that was something I was really nervous about. I didn't know how to write about the things I was doing well and reflect on how it made me feel. Mostly, though, I think I was nervous about admitting to mistakes I've made and how I can learn from them. It's easy for me to reflect internally about what I did wrong and how I can make it better, but putting it in a blog for others to read made me really anxious. This became really clear to me when reflecting on some of my experiences last year with my students. It was really hard for me to write it all down. I obviously realize the value of the process, but it is still difficult for me to write about it. It has been very helpful to write it down and really reflect on it. Does this mean the process is now easy for me? No, not really. I still struggle with this blog, but I do now clearly see the value of it. I will make much more of an effort in my blog, but I think it will continue to be a struggle for me.