There is a particular conversation I had with a student last year that I have been reflecting on a lot. The conversation happened last Spring semester and I continue to think about it constantly. The conversation centered around the topic of the multicultural sorority that Panhellenic voted on and passed. I'm not sure how the conversation started, but basically the student did not understand why a multicultural sorority was necessary. He felt that all women should feel welcome in the sororities that are already on campus and didn't see the purpose of bringing on a new sorority that was only for a certain group of women on campus. I tried to explain the reasoning for bringing the new sorority on campus and he continued to struggle to understand the purpose of it. Finally the student just said "Maybe I just don't understand because I'm white." At that point I had no idea where to take the conversation, so I just let it go. This is why I've been thinking about it ever since it happened. I keep hoping I had taken the conversation further and explored the issue with him more.
I have been thinking about this conversation for two reasons, (1) It makes me wonder how many other members of the Greek system, or even on the USD campus, feel this way and (2) I wish I had the counseling skills I have now when this conversation happened.
It is no secret that USD is a predominantly white campus and that underrepresented students on this campus struggle to feel a sense of belonging. In thinking about the multicultural sorority on campus I wonder how many students really understand the purpose of having a group like this on campus. I know a very good job was done during Panhellenic meetings to help them understand why a multicultural sorority was necessary, but there are many other students on campus that were not a part of these meetings. Specifically the men in IFC clearly don't understand why this is necessary. Looking back at my conversation, I wish I had used it as a reason to have a discussion during the IFC meeting about the multicultural sorority. I think it would have been a good discussion to hear what their opinions were and try to help them understand. The idea of diversity and inclusion is obviously something that continuously needs to be talked about and I should have taken that opportunity to have a discussion about it. This is another moment for me where I recognize that I missed an opportunity for growth for myself and my students. I hope that if an opportunity like this comes up again, I will recognize it and initiate the conversation.
In thinking about the counseling skills that I have learned since starting my position in the Center for Student Success, it is clear to me that this conversation would have looked very different if I had the skills then. The way the conversation went, I spent most of the time explaining to him the purpose of the multicultural sorority. If I had the counseling skills I have now I would have asked him more open-ended questions to fully understand where he was coming from. Instead of trying to hear him out, I automatically tried to get him to understand the purpose. It is obviously not realistic for him to change his mind in the matter of one conversation. Once I heard his story I would have offered him a little perspective and self-disclosed a little based on my experiences as an underreprested graduate student on this campus. Then when he made the comment of him being white and not being able to understand, I would have simply asked "Can you explain to me why you think as a white male you cannot understand the purpose of this sorority?" I think this would be the best question to ask because it's open ended and it allows him to tell me what being a white male means to him. Based on how he responds I would follow up with more open-ended questions and hopefully help him begin to see why it is so important. I recognize that I cannot do the conversation over, but I feel it's important that I recognize how valuable basic counseling skills are. I am grateful for the skills I've learned this year and I know they will help me where ever I end up after graduation.
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