My Outlets

I have been thinking a lot lately about balance. A lot of it has been centered on work/life balance, but as I reflected on it more I realized it is more life balance. I started to think about the different things that I do to maintain balance in my life and I realized there are a lot of things that I have. I decided to call these my outlets because all of them help me take my mind off of whatever is stressing me out at the time. These are my outlets:


My Love
When Jeff and I first started dating, we had a date night every week on Wednesday. We decided this would be a day just for the two of us to hang out no matter what he had going on. Once he joined the Army that obviously could not continue. Since we've moved in together we haven't been able to do it because we are both so busy. However, we have tried to do a good job of going out on dates together even if we are busy. The one thing we have been doing a lot lately is playing games together. We both dedicate a chunk of time to do homework or study but then we set out time before going to bed to just spend time together. This has been really important to me because it helps me decompress and relax before going to bed. Plus, it always reminds me why I am in love with him.

My Family
Anyone that knows me even a little knows how important my family is to me. I feel very blessed to have such a wonderful family that I can really count on. Since moving to San Diego, Jeff and I have made it a point to go home as often as possible. When I get the opportunity to go home, I find that it really energizes me to keep going. There are some people in my family that are especially important to me:
My Mom
My mom has been such an inspiration to me in my life and I just want to make her proud of me. She has been through so much in her life and she has managed to overcome it all. I look up to her so much and when I am able to spend time with her, I find that she inspires me to reach for the stars.


My Baby Girls
My two younger sisters are the most beautiful teenagers in the world. Even though they may have attitude sometimes and we fight sometimes, they are so important to me. Everything I have done in my life has been for them. I wanted to show them that they could achieve all their dreams despite everything they will have to overcome. They keep me going and inspire me to achieve all my dreams because I want to show them that it's possible.


The Babies
One of the big reasons why Jeff and I like to go home a lot is to see the babies: my nephew Tristan and his niece Nathalia. We absolutely love to spend time with both of them and try to take them fun places, like the park, as much as we can. Right now they are both three years old and it is hard to be away from both of them because we feel like we're missing out on so much of their lives. Spending time with them really forces me to forget about anything that is stressing me out because they are so much fun and I am able to bring my inner-child out when I am with them.

My "Artistic" Side
I am not a very artsy or creative person, but I do enjoy having the opportunity to do artsy things. A few weeks ago Jeff and I went to Walgreens and I saw a box for tissue art. This instantly popped out at me and I wanted to buy it. It reminded me of a tissue art project I did in kindergarten for my mom. I bought the tissue art and when I am doing homework I take breaks from it to do some tissue art. I find it very relaxing and it makes me feel like I'm a kid again.


Each of these things is very important to me for different reasons. They each help me maintain balance in my life, which leads to me being a much happier person. I am grateful that I am able to maintain balance in my life and I hope that I can continue it. I am not saying I am an expert at it because I am not at all. There are definitely times when I don't put these things first and I can tell that it affects me. However, I do feel I have a good sense of balance and I am able to recognize the importance of it.

LIVING WITH UNCERTAINTY

It has been a very long time since I've blogged, but my experience today in Seminar got me thinking about a lot of things that I need to write about. The word that keeps coming to my mind is uncertainty. I feel like right now my life is surrounded my uncertainty and I don't really know how I feel about it or what to do with it. There are some things that are certain: I will graduate in May (hopefully), I will be moving back to Orange County in July, and I will be working for this next month and half on Ethics, Action Research, and job search. However, there are a lot of things that are uncertain and the one that I am most concerned about is where I will be working at after I graduate. I had a conversation today with Daneilla about my job search and how I'm trying not to get discouraged. I feel like I've put myself out there and applied to some jobs but I havent' heard anything back. I know the process takes a long time, but it's still hard. I did add that I am very confident that I will have a job eventually. I don't know when or where but I will find something. I really do feel like I'm comfortable with that. I think what I'm uncomfortable with, which I realized today in Seminar is this idea of waiting for the perfect job.

Again, I am very comfortable with the idea of not having a job right after graduation or even by the time I move back to Orange County. However, it makes me really anxious to think of waiting for a job that is perfect for me. I do believe that I need to find something that I like and enjoy, but can I really wait for that perfect job? At this point, I really do feel like as long as it's something I can see myself doing and I'll be happy then that is enough for me. This got me thinking about why I am so uncomfortable with holding out for the perfect job and I think I realized why. I feel like at this point in my life I need to find a job as soon as possible because I am feeling a lot of pressure to make sure that I am financially stable. I feel like I am putting this pressure on myself because I don't feel like there is anyone else putting this pressure on me.

I think I'm feeling really pressured because I know that we are going to get an apartment with my mom and the whole reason we're doing this is to help her out. We decided on this because I know that my mom is in a really bad situation and is having a lot of financial struggles. In order to help her save money and actually be in a good place financially, we decided to get an apartment with her and my little sisters. Because the reason for this move is to give my mom some financial stability, I want to make sure that I am contributing financially and not giving her any financial stress. I feel like she has had so much financial stress for the past two years and I want to do whatever I can to alleviate that for her. For this reason, I feel like I just need to find a job that I enjoy even though it might not be my dream or ideal job.

I would love more than anything to find my perfect job, but at this point in my life I don't feel like it's practical. I have so many other obligations and I don't feel like it's fair for me to turn down jobs because it is not exactly what I'm looking for. Who knows, maybe I will find my dream job, but at this point I'll be happy if I find something. I don't really know what this says about me, maybe I am being too practical and not thinking about myself enough, but I don't feel like I can right now.

A Blog about Blogging

The idea of doing a blog is something very new to me. I have never even considered doing a blog because I wouldn't even know what to write about. I decided that I should write about my difficulties with this blog because I thought it was important for me to reflect on why this process is so difficult for me. This does not serve as an excuse for my lack of entries, but merely as a means for me to reflect on the process.

When we were first told about the project, my anxiety level instantly went up. I was nervous about the idea of having to do a blog about my experiences. I was also nervous about trying to play catch-up since this is my first year in the cohort. I know it's completely different from the e-portfolio but I still felt that I was at a disadvantage. Overall, this blog has been very difficult for me and I'm not really sure why.

At first, I just didn't know what to write about. I had no idea what I was supposed to be reflecting on. I didn't understand that I could basically write about any of my experiences. It took me a long time to actually start the blog because I just didn't know where to start. Once I did start it I thought it would get easier from there, but I was wrong.

After my first entry it took me a long time to post anything again. I talked with Stephanie about this a lot and I explained to her that I don't know why, but I have a really hard time sitting down and writing. The easy answer to this is that I'm just not used to writing a blog and I don't think about it when I'm thinking about what homework I have to do. However, this is not the only challenge I have. There are times when I do think about it and I just don't do it. I really had to think about what it was that was so challenging for me.

I came to the realization that it's the reflection that is challenging for me. As I mentioned in one of my earlier posts, it's hard for me to give credit to myself, so I think that was something I was really nervous about. I didn't know how to write about the things I was doing well and reflect on how it made me feel. Mostly, though, I think I was nervous about admitting to mistakes I've made and how I can learn from them. It's easy for me to reflect internally about what I did wrong and how I can make it better, but putting it in a blog for others to read made me really anxious. This became really clear to me when reflecting on some of my experiences last year with my students. It was really hard for me to write it all down. I obviously realize the value of the process, but it is still difficult for me to write about it. It has been very helpful to write it down and really reflect on it. Does this mean the process is now easy for me? No, not really. I still struggle with this blog, but I do now clearly see the value of it. I will make much more of an effort in my blog, but I think it will continue to be a struggle for me.

A Rewarding Conversation

I had a very rewarding conversation with one of my students today. This student is one of our peer advisors and is going through a really hard time right now. She has a lung disease and is in a lot of pain right now because of it. She is not sure what to do because there is only 3 weeks left of school, so she has a lot of work to before then. However, the only way for her to get better is to get a lot of rest. She doesn't have the time to rest because she is so stressed about school. This conversation was very rewarding for me for two reasons, I was able to help her make a plan for what to do and I was able to use the counseling skills with someone who is not a client. Basically, this conversation showed me how I could use my counseling skills to help any student who needs it.

As soon as the student came in I could tell something was wrong, so she came into my office and we talked for almost half an hour. She told me what was wrong and I asked her a lot of questions so I could understand exactly what she was going through. I made sure to ask open-ended questions to allow her to tell me what she wanted. She mentioned that she has had a cough for a couple of weeks and would go to the doctors if her cough didn't better soon. I asked her how long she was going to wait before going to the doctor's. When I asked her that question she made a comment about how she felt like she was in a counseling session with me. I don't know if she meant that as a compliment, but I sure took it as one because it was at that moment that I realized that all of the skills I've learned are starting to pay off.

I think this conversation stands out to me because it was an unplanned conversation. I know I use my counseling skills all the time when I meet with clients and I find helping them very rewarding, but this was different. This was not a planned conversation and it was with a student I work with almost everyday, so it was rewarding on a whole new level. As I'm writing this I'm thinking back to my post about making an impact and I realize this is another moment where I made an impact on a student's life. It may not have been a major impact, but I did help her and that makes me proud. This was such a big moment for me because I just did a post about having a conversation where I wish I did have the skills to help a student. Now that I've had this conversation, I know I have the skills to make a difference.

I think another reason why this conversation really stands out to me is because these types of conversations are the reason I wanted to go into the field of Higher Education. I wanted to be able to help students on all levels and since I started this program I don't feel like I've had a lot of those conversations where I've really felt like I've made a difference with students. Again, I've had conversations with clients where I do feel like I've made a difference, but I haven't really had any where a student comes to me randomly and I'm able to help the student. This conversation really did help me solidify that I am in the right field and I really look forward to helping more students.

More tough conversations

There is a particular conversation I had with a student last year that I have been reflecting on a lot. The conversation happened last Spring semester and I continue to think about it constantly. The conversation centered around the topic of the multicultural sorority that Panhellenic voted on and passed. I'm not sure how the conversation started, but basically the student did not understand why a multicultural sorority was necessary. He felt that all women should feel welcome in the sororities that are already on campus and didn't see the purpose of bringing on a new sorority that was only for a certain group of women on campus. I tried to explain the reasoning for bringing the new sorority on campus and he continued to struggle to understand the purpose of it. Finally the student just said "Maybe I just don't understand because I'm white." At that point I had no idea where to take the conversation, so I just let it go. This is why I've been thinking about it ever since it happened. I keep hoping I had taken the conversation further and explored the issue with him more.

I have been thinking about this conversation for two reasons, (1) It makes me wonder how many other members of the Greek system, or even on the USD campus, feel this way and (2) I wish I had the counseling skills I have now when this conversation happened.

It is no secret that USD is a predominantly white campus and that underrepresented students on this campus struggle to feel a sense of belonging. In thinking about the multicultural sorority on campus I wonder how many students really understand the purpose of having a group like this on campus. I know a very good job was done during Panhellenic meetings to help them understand why a multicultural sorority was necessary, but there are many other students on campus that were not a part of these meetings. Specifically the men in IFC clearly don't understand why this is necessary. Looking back at my conversation, I wish I had used it as a reason to have a discussion during the IFC meeting about the multicultural sorority. I think it would have been a good discussion to hear what their opinions were and try to help them understand. The idea of diversity and inclusion is obviously something that continuously needs to be talked about and I should have taken that opportunity to have a discussion about it. This is another moment for me where I recognize that I missed an opportunity for growth for myself and my students. I hope that if an opportunity like this comes up again, I will recognize it and initiate the conversation.

In thinking about the counseling skills that I have learned since starting my position in the Center for Student Success, it is clear to me that this conversation would have looked very different if I had the skills then. The way the conversation went, I spent most of the time explaining to him the purpose of the multicultural sorority. If I had the counseling skills I have now I would have asked him more open-ended questions to fully understand where he was coming from. Instead of trying to hear him out, I automatically tried to get him to understand the purpose. It is obviously not realistic for him to change his mind in the matter of one conversation. Once I heard his story I would have offered him a little perspective and self-disclosed a little based on my experiences as an underreprested graduate student on this campus. Then when he made the comment of him being white and not being able to understand, I would have simply asked "Can you explain to me why you think as a white male you cannot understand the purpose of this sorority?" I think this would be the best question to ask because it's open ended and it allows him to tell me what being a white male means to him. Based on how he responds I would follow up with more open-ended questions and hopefully help him begin to see why it is so important. I recognize that I cannot do the conversation over, but I feel it's important that I recognize how valuable basic counseling skills are. I am grateful for the skills I've learned this year and I know they will help me where ever I end up after graduation.

Tracking my Development One Tough Phone Call at a Time

I have been thinking a lot about a phone call I had to make to one of my students earlier in the semester. Basically, the student, who is one of our Peer Advisors, called our office to let us know that she would not be able to make supervision, which is the time for peer advisors to talk about their clients and get advice or guidance about it. Her reason for not being able to make it was that she had a paper she needed to finish by that night. My gut reaction was that finishing a paper was not an acceptable excuse for missing supervision, but I checked in with Stephanie about it to make sure. She let me know that for legal reasons, our peer advisors must attend supervision otherwise they are able to advise students. She also let me know that school was not an acceptable reason for missing. She gave me some talking points and I made the call to the student to let her know that if she missed she would not be able to advise. I was really nervous and anxious about making the call because I didn’t know how the student would react. When I made the phone call, I got the easy part over with, I told the student that for legal reasons, she had to attend supervision every week. She completely understood my point and said she would be there. It would have been really easy for me to leave it at that, but I knew I had to let her know that even though we understood that school was her first priority, finishing a paper was not an acceptable reason for missing. I let her know this and she totally understood my point. When she came to the office she actually thanked me and said, “I just needed someone to give me a wake-up call.” This was a big growing moment for me and I really appreciate that Stephanie had me make the phone call because I know this will not be the last time in my career that I’ll have to do something like this.

I think the reason why I’ve been reflecting about it recently is because I’ve been thinking in general about how much I’ve developed into a stronger professional since starting this program. In my first semester working in the SLIC I remember I had students who would just not show up to our meeting. They would not call or send an email and I would just let it go. I know this was not the right thing to do, but I just didn’t know how to approach the situation. I talked to Mandy about it and she let me know that it I just needed to let them know that it was inappropriate to miss our meeting without calling or sending an email. After that, I would approach my students and ask why they missed and I would ask them to call or email next time, but nothing beyond that. I am fully aware that I missed out on a development opportunity for myself and my students. Looking back on it now, I do wish I had taken advantage of it. The experience with the phone call earlier this semester has helped me tremendously for my future because now I know that I can make those tough phone calls or have those tough conversations. It definitely helped lift my level of confidence.

Am I Making an Impact?

I had a very good conversation with my supervisor Stephanie about the impact I've made in the Center for Student Success. I quickly realized that I have a very hard time giving credit to myself for the work I've done. I think this is a characteristic of mine that I've noticed before and I don't really know what to do about it. It's difficult for me to receive attention or praise for things I've done well. I notice that when I am receiving positive feedback I don't know how to react to it. It actually makes me a little uncomfortable. I know this is something about myself that I need to work on, so I'm starting right now by talking about how I am making an impact.

I was asked to do a marketing project to promote our Peer Advising program to attempt to bring in more clients for our peer advisors and the class that peer advisors must take in order to be eligible to apply. I wasn't really given any parameters for the project, so it was up to me to brainstorm different ways to market these two projects. Now that all the marketing for these two projects is mostly done, I am now able to reflect on how much of an impact it made in our office. I know this marketing project is something that has never been done before and I take great pride in the work I did. I know this is something that will continue to be done in the future and it makes me feel proud of what I did and the impact I've made.

A major part of my role in the Center for Student Success is helping to coordinate the Peer Advising program. With this role, I also see clients (students who are struggling academically) and I feel like I'm making an impact in their lives. There is one particular client who comes to see me every two weeks (even though it's only recommended they do four sessions) and I really feel like I'm making an impact on him. He continues to struggle academically, but I'm obviously doing something right if he continues to come back. Even if I'm not making a major difference in his life, it's nice to know that he values what I'm doing for him.

In class I brought up the idea of "making my mark" in the office and how it's something I've been struggling with since I started in my position. I am aware that I've made an impact in the office, but to me making my mark is that extra step. Making my mark means I'll be remembered in the future for the work I've done. I realized through the discussion after, that I won't really know if I've made a mark until I'm done. I think I'm focusing too much on what I can do to make my mark. I should be focusing on doing the best job I can right now. Did I make a mark with the marketing project? I guess I won't know until after I'm gone!